Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
