I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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