You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's great music for shaving your balls
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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