..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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