3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
