I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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