Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
