I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
