I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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