there's paper in my vomit.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
