he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
