I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
