Sponge bath it is.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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