2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
