Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
