Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize