My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
