well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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