I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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