so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
