There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
