Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
