ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
