the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
