We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
