I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
