There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
