If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
