I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
