Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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