weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
