Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize