How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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