My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
