no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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