Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im part way to drunk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
