I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
