3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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