And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize