hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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