Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
