BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
