So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
