the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
