His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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