do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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