And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cockslap morals
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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