Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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