Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
this is an emotional support booty call
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