Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's always time for handjobs
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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