She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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