I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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