This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
