I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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