Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
