I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
