you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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