Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
