Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
