I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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