i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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