Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this will be a night to untag.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
