Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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