Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
