Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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