you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
