He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
