making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
