I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
