oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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