Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
