We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
