My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
