I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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